Am i paying too much attention to the flower girls and not my BM?

I just think that sometimes children are overlooked and neglected when it comes to such huge and 'grown up' events. I love my two cousins dearly and I just feel it would be great to spend a day with them, letting them choose their dresses. I am very close to them and I'm afraid they feel I'm not as close them now because of all the fuss.

So I'm taking them dress shopping for the day, for their flower girl dresses. But the BMs (my sister, cousin and two friends) are feeling really left out and giving me a hard time. They are annoyed that I didn't go dress shopping with them.

Am I wrong?

Am i paying too much attention to the flower girls and not my BM?
I think you need to go out shopping with everyone :) i mean you want to approve of the dresses your bridesmaids are choosing..





I would agree.. you need to spend equal time shopping with everyone :)
Reply:No if you explain to them that you will go dress shopping with them ( i dont know if you were planning to or not)

but you wanted to spend a day with the little ones as it is true younger children do get left out and fuss isnt made of them!!

tell them this and im sure they will understand

and tell them to not give you a hard time about it as you are under enough stress!!
Reply:I think you should find time for everyone, although it's hard and you got a lot going on. My flowergirl is my little 2 year old cousin from PA...and it's so hard to get together with her...my cousin (her mom) does not feel like I should travel all the way to PA ...she did everything on her own and I'm glad bc i focused that time on other things.
Reply:you're not picking out your bridesmaids dresses? I've never picked one out in my life! it's always been done for me. imagine my surprise when my friend from ohio mailed my dress to me and said- get this altered, see you in september! sorry girl but you're gonna have to go shopping with ya girlz
Reply:that is a great idea
Reply:No... they should be mature enough to realize your intentions. I wouldnt worry, I think its very nice what you are doing! The BMs will have lots of things to help you with, and you will be spending alot more time with them, rather than the Flower girls.
Reply:I really think that just ordering their dresses off the net is a bad idea. I think you need to make the time to agree on the dresses, but then again you wouldn't need to do that if you bought them yourself.



Why wouldn't you want your bridesmaids to look great? Why do they have to suffer and wear whatever you pick out, since you have no time for shopping when they all have different shapes? It makes no sense to me.



I think that your BMs are mad that they don't get to help out, not that they don't get to spend time with you.
Reply:Perhaps your BM's (really, there must be a better abbreviation!) are feeling slighted. Generally the bride would go with them or go by herself to pick out their dresses - it's part of the fun of being in the bridal party. Presumably you chose them because you love and cherish them (and they you). And your feeling that they would "feel I'm not as close them now because of all the fuss" holds true for your friends, cousin and sister too.





I was disappointed that I couldn't help my best friend as much with her wedding but I lived 1,000 miles away (I was MOH). I did fly in 3 times that year, including a week early for the wedding for all those last minute things and being able to spend time with her on her last night as a "wild woman."

As MOH for another friend I was there for her whenever she needed help as I was only about 2 hours by car from her).



For both weddings we planned a couople of special "Girls Day" outings (in addition to the usual bridal shower) including the trip to the nail salon the day before the big event, a special dinner just the bride and me the night before the wedding, a day hanging out and making the table decorations, things like that.



Of course the kids get overlooked and neglected - this IS a grown up event and they are not and should not be a primary focus. Remember - your relationship with your friends will also be changing, especially if they are still single while you aren't any more.
Reply:I would go with everyone together make it a bigger day than usual you know?
Reply:I tried to take all my girls at the same time and everyone has such different schedules, it was impossible. So, I gave them the name of the salon and five dresses I liked and let them vote. Once they voted, I made dinner and invited all the girls over and "revealed" what dress got the most votes (there are 5 of them). We had cocktails and just hung out, and it was so much fun.



You have more going on than they can imagine and they need to be more supportive of your decision!



What your maids need to remember are these girls are CHILDREN and children always need more time than adults.
Reply:I think it's a nice idea to take them shopping, and getting the chance to know them better. I also like that you're letting them have some say in their dresses because some brides make the flower girls into a clone of themselves which looks tacky. Just plan a special day with you bridesmaids to get them off your back.

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